Excitement & Peace (Asena Guenes)

(Sounds of nature.)

Excitement 

Here I am free,

and here I am light. 

Up here in the sky I can be whoever I want to be. No worries to drag me down. I can spread my wings and 

BREATH, and laugh, and SCREAM. I jump from cloud to cloud. I bounce. I change my position, instead of on my feet, I land on my butt, and when I bounce back up, I spread out all my limps, and arch my back, and scream out: „Aoooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!“ I laugh, and I giggle, and let myself fall into this heep of fluffy fullness. I lie here in the clouds, ’cause 

here I am free, 

and here I am light.

Peace 

I feel peace

and I feel calm

and I only feel that here.

I can breath

the fist around my chest, around my heart, lets up.

I can finally breath,

and I can only feel that here.

I feel pain,

I feel pain and it is back again.

I don’t feel painless, I don’t feel peace,

I feel empty.

I wish you were here.

I know, and I absolutely understand why you are not. It was for the best. Nothing better could have happened for and to you, but for me,…. It sucks. I hate it. Our collective, our circle, our network, our family, it is gone… and it crushes me. My heart is squeezed tight, it pains, I cry, It’s gone. Heavy

Although I feel light and weightless, although I float and my feet do not touch the ground, although my curls weightlessly dance around me and are smooth and even, although my body moves back and forth with the gentle drift of the waves, everything feels heavy and oppressive.

I open my eyes, and everything is dark and hazy. I open my mouth and take a deep breath, but instead of clear, refreshing air, only water fills my lungs and everything presses me down, I squirm back and forth and flail my arms around and I thrash. I kick and scream... but no noise comes out.

I am weightless, but I am heavy, .... so heavy, ....

It's as though I were drowning. I close my eyes and I just drift, in this infinite emptiness, in this eternal darkness, in this endless nothingness, and I sink.....